Wednesday, April 21, 2010
Struggles
I had one of my moments yesterday when I wondered what I was doing. I was sitting in the computer lab with a bunch of kids cramming for my final that started in a few minutes when a discussion started among the kids as to what year they graduated. It struck me that I was a decade older than some of them, it was rather depressing. Seems I have never been able to get things quite right, when I was growing up I was so anxious to be older that I skipped a lot of being a kid to act like an adult. Now that I am an adult I am trying to go back and do the things I should have done when I was younger. Trouble is, it was always easier to fit in with people older than me than younger than me which makes the gap appear that much larger. I have come too far to stop now but I have to admit sometimes I think about it, I had a good job with a good company where I was moving up quickly but that wasn't enough for me, sigh. Sometimes I wonder how I will be able to handle it when Baileigh comes to me for advice when I have made so many bad decisions in my life, I suppose the only thing I can do is try to use my experience to try to help her avoid making the same mistakes I did. I just hope that one day I can be someone who is worth looking up to for her rather than just an example of what not to do.
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I stumbled across you blog just before we left for vacation and I really felt compelled to comment on this post. As I'm sure your mood by now is much different then it was during your original post, I wanted to share a few thoughts. Everyone has made poor decisions in life, you have more company in that category then you might think. As painful as it is sometimes, its how we developed into the unique individuals we all our. While looking at the person that did all the "right" things growing up might seem desirable, in my opinion it can lead to a sheltered life. Real life has plenty mistakes that come with ups and downs and the further you get away from that, the further you get away from what makes us all human. Your life experiences and how you choose to use them our one of the most valuable things you possess. Baileigh will always look up to her Mom, simply because your honest with her, you show her respect, and you give her the unconditional love she deserves on daily basis. Life and its experiences can sometimes try and steal pieces of our soul, and protecting that is hard work. Stand strong!
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